Most of life in some way or another, we have all heard the saying "just be yourself", I know I have heard it and been the advocate for others to "just do it". It is funny now, as an adult it seems that it is unrealistic to truly be yourself. Going day to day, doing exactly what needs to be done, does not always allow for the appropriate space to just be. The just being that allows for you to live out passionate dreams, the real you that exist within, may not even fully exist inside because of the clutter of getting shit done. I am beyond thankful for the journey I have traveled on thus far, as well I am thankful for the job and position I currently fill.
There just seems to be the burden that weighs so heavy as you go through the day just surviving and not living. Most people would probably say I am crazy... Why, because I am doing the most, I am living in the eyes of others. My life is flourishing, and for that I could not be more thankful. I love the friends I have and the place I have found to exist, but in reality, I am not LIVING! Not Pam, not the dream... But I refuse to let it die.
I have spent a lot of time lately feeling beat down by the survival race, I feel this life has become. It is impossible (in thought) to really just freely live as me, when I am trying desperately to just survive in all the obligations of the day.
I spent a large portion of today fighting tears.. I was dreaming of the day I would get to just help and teach people about life. I want to help people see the joy in life, even when most circumstances say life is not worth living. The passion that is burning in my heart in the moment I mention doing something for someone that may make them feel, even if just for a moment someone cares for them enough to hope.
I spent a large portion of today fighting tears.. I was dreaming of the day I would get to just help and teach people about life. I want to help people see the joy in life, even when most circumstances say life is not worth living. The passion that is burning in my heart in the moment I mention doing something for someone that may make them feel, even if just for a moment someone cares for them enough to hope.
The way days seem to pass by lately, I feel a bitterness that has overwhelmed my heart. I once felt compassionate and joyful, but now I feel angry and selfish. I want to be left alone, I want to hide, I run from those that love me the most. There is no wholeness and health found in bitterness, it burns away at my very soul identity.
Today, it felt good to dream and drench the flame. I felt a bit of the bitterness wash away, even though I was still overwhelmed with the task of the day, I felt like I was going to make it. I began to reminisce over the moments I get when I do feel truly alive.
Today, it felt good to dream and drench the flame. I felt a bit of the bitterness wash away, even though I was still overwhelmed with the task of the day, I felt like I was going to make it. I began to reminisce over the moments I get when I do feel truly alive.
I think that it was a valid lesson that will be one for the books.. We may have moments where we forget to breathe and feel like we can't go anymore, but if we just sit back and take a deep breath.. tell a story.. day dream.. remember the moments those dreams were real.. reflect on where you came from... conclusion, you are living, you are well, YOU ARE ALIVE.
And I won't give up this dream
Of life that keeps me alive
I gotta be me, I gotta be me
The dream that I see makes me what I am"