Beating Hearts

This past week, by the gift of my mother, I had an experience of a life time. As I boarded a ship to sail away for days, I hoped to sail away from my mind and all the struggles daily life seems to offer. But as the week progressed, I was able to do nothing but think and meditate on the beauty of wise wisdom spoken by many who surrounded me.

When life presents you with trials that seem as if you will break under the pressure, often we are reminded of the beauty offered even in tragedy. It is rare that in the midst of turmoil we are able to see the hope of tomorrow, but it is there. I have a character flaw when it comes to patience, it's as if I am void of any ability to wait on anything. I feel crippled by inability to grasp and idea or concept, leaving me pessimistic and hard. But as I was at sea with many beautifully wise people, I learned a lot of fundamental life lessons. Hearing the stories and struggles of those much older and wiser, gave me a hope I have neglected. We live in a "right now" culture, crippling us from the ability to hope and wait. We have so many instant gratifications, we do not even have patience to wait on the internet to load, much less wait on the gifts of tomorrows wisdom. 

I've always had a passion and desire to have grey hair,  and I want it now... This week I saw the wisdom of grey haired individuals and heard the stories of how they came to,  and it made me hope...  There's possibility we meet people to gain hope not to have an intimate knowledge of the exact story but have an intimate acquaintance with a hope that we may one day be able to tell a similar story full of wisdom.  

I'm not sure any of the beautiful people this week may know the impact and mark they left on my heart,  but something happened in that time that stirred me... 

Time at sea did not end in a room full of wisdom,  but two days I stepped off the ship into cultures that taught me something  new about Life as well. Through the adventure,  I realized how different we all are and how different our standards are..  There is beauty in simplicity,  a reminder of what is important. The beating  hearts of those around us,  they matter... We get so caught up in greed and shiny things that we forget the simple things,  the beauty in playing barefoot in a field with those who matter most. 

I met a beautiful little boy in Belize that stirred a passion in my heart like no other,  he taught me about life and about death.  He and his brother literally showed us healing in plants and death in a cemetery.  There was such power in the gentleness as he grabbed my hand and walked me around a beautiful church  where his mother worked... Moments before this gentle spirit touched me,  I was burdened to tears by poverty that I saw all around me,  but with his touch and the wisdom of my best friend I saw that he was richer than anyone I ever knew..  Simplicity is enriching.  

From the beating  heart of a child to the wisdom of the grey hairs on those who sailed away with me,  I remember to hope for the beating hearts.

Dreaming

I recently read a blog that really read me. This line, "I write to breathe again"...  It's the honest truth that's vital to me living. I have  been writing emotion and thoughts in various ways since I was little,  as a teenager I would write in code,  hiding my emotions and thoughts behind the identity of a fictional character. But as time has progressed I've seen many seasons of writing style and ideas. I went through a season where I thought I had to write everything in the form of a conversation to God in this manner of perfection,  bleeding onto paper this false reality of beautiful selflessness...  Now,  now I wrote the truth..  My confusion,  bitterness,  bitchiness, my love,  my hope, my fear.... Tonight I want to dream. I've thought a lot lately of the meaning of life and where hope comes from or the things that destroy hope.  Circumstances have been trying on my hope  for humanity,  but nights like tonight dreaming with family,  the kind of family that chooses to love you,  even though your dna doesn't match...  the dreaming with those kinda people is beautiful.. 
Life often chokes us with the rotten taste of Bullshit and it's hard to focus or remember the good... But dreaming,  it helps remind us of the treasures life has to offer. Just a glimpse of something worth hoping for or dreaming in, has power to help get the bitter taste out of our mouths. Thank goodness for the friendships with beautiful people that are comfortable with you at the lowest points,  because the excitement comes with a moment of the taste of goodness,  only adds to the joy you can experience in those moments. 
Experiencing  the beauty of dreaming and remembering that "I write to breathe again",  this moment comes to life and gives me reason to smile.  I can breathe,  I can breathe and taste,  tasting something other than the Bullshit is desirable. The Bullshit doesn't get to just disappear,  but just the sweetness that comes with dreaming,  reminds me that today and all the gross circumstances that put the nasty taste in my mouth isn't the only taste available.