The thought of giving anyone every part of your being is so incredibly difficult; it is even more difficult to actually put the thought of giving in action. C.S. Lewis reminds me that God not just wants my time, money or work, but God truly wants ME. God is so loving and so gracious that He created us for community with Him; He just wanted a family to love Him. I have found that I often try doing well so that God would Love me or that as His child, I needed to do some kind of super amazing work on my own to make Him proud, so I would make effort to give Him some aspects of my life, but not my whole life. I do not just want to do well; I want to be surrendered to the work of Jesus Christ, living in Him and He in me. Though I find that the most difficult thing for me to give to God is my control; in trying so hard to do things to please him, I get lost in my own efforts and forget what the purpose is for my life. God has made it evident throughout all of Scripture that we alone are unworthy and only by His works and grace are we whole. A true surrender to the entire identity of what God has made available, means I give up my control of this life, but time and time again I find myself snatching back the very thing I handed to Him. I desire to “give up my whole self”; but as Lewis says, it is the hardest thing to do; we often lose sight in our own pleasures. As I surrender this life to the Lord daily waking knowing that I cannot do it in my own efforts, I hope that I become better at listening to the Father and distinguishing His voice so that I can leave my life surrendered in His hands, giving up the control my flesh so greatly desires.
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