Affectionate Religion

My spiritual passion for Christ has to impact and motivate my studies at ETBU, more often than not. I so often am so overwhelmed by school and the pressures of being involved that there is no way without the joy and strength of the Lord, that I would be able to make it through each day. The way my heart is engaged with the Lord has a major impact on how I am able to walk through each week. 

I thoroughly enjoy the way Jonathan Edwards articulates the integration of doctrine and religious affections. I came to college with a lot of religious affections towards emotions, but not a lot of doctrine, much less an application of religious affections to doctrine. As I have spent time at ETBU, it has been challenging, yet beautiful, to see how the Lord has molded me and is continually molding me to have an understanding of that very integration. With words of wisdom, just like from Jonathan Edwards, many men and women have encouraged me to gain virtues by pursuing spiritual disciplines. Pursuing theology with affections of the Lord is a beautiful opportunity for growth! I have learned that if I hunger and thirst for Righteousness, I will only be satisfied with the Lord. And he promises in His word if we seek him we will find him; and I believe that as I seek him in everyday life that my studies and spirit will continue to reap from that. I desire for the pursuit of the Lord to produce affectionate religion; a way of life that is undoubtedly affected by the Holy Spirits input in my education, my activities, as well as my dedication to the Lord and how I love people.

Matthew 5:6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled."

Solitude

What is solitude? When does the noise stop? If it is not someone or something else causing something of chaos; our own inner thoughts can be the loudest, most difficult distraction we ever encounter. Beyond the fear of being alone with myself, I do not know how to just sit… I find myself fidgety or talking to God, even if it is not self-centered, it still feels as if I am missing something because I am not just listening. The same thing happens when I am reading the Bible; I will find myself reading but then convicted, because I am not just sitting in solitude listening and waiting for the Holy Spirit to give direction.

This morning as I was sitting in the quiet empty sanctuary at Friendship Baptist Church, and I began to pray for the coming service and the people who would be attending; it was a beautiful experience to go before the Father God, declaring his word over his people. After a few minutes of praying specifically for that congregation and service, I tried to just be quiet to listen; but I found myself beginning to pray again or rummaging through scripture, just reading random verses. I never could just be still….

For at least five minutes, I began to sulk, because I am not good at solitude; I began to take on a failure mentality. But praise God he is sovereign and he loves us enough to meet us in the very place where we are weak. I may not have been successful at my expectation of solitude today, but the Lord did not withhold himself from me. As I read scripture God was faithful to show himself and give me the exact words to pray over the service and the people’s hearts.

Henri J. M. Nouwen, says solitude is one of the most powerful disciplines in developing a prayerful life; and I agree with him entirely. I also agree with him as he shows how difficult solitude may be, because of the chaos of the many things surrounding us, as well as our own inner thoughts.  Being consumed as egomaniacs, there is a separation from understanding we are not the most important topic of conversation; however, when solitude is experienced a deeper place of encountering God is ultimate for spiritual growth.

Instead of taking on the failure mentality, I will choose to know that it is a daily process of growth, and trust in God’s character, he is loving and kind and compassionate on his children. Psalm 103:8 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness.”

Virtue vs. Vice

From day to day, I find myself weaker in different things or stronger in areas where I was previously weak. Daily, I find myself in need of one or more of the virtues I am weak in, whether that is humility, simplicity, contentment, peace, moderation, joy or strength.  Today, I am in need of the virtue of moderation. This past summer I experienced the darkest of night I have ever encountered and it lasted for what seemed a really long season. It was vital to my walk as a Christian, but in the midst of the darkness, I could not see the beauty of what the Lord was doing and it hurt; but I am so thankful for that experience and know that there will be other seasons where I need a dark night to grow deeper into a spiritual relationship with the King of the Universe. Since the cloud of darkness has been in process of being uplifted, I find myself walking in a joy that is strengthening and encouraging; but I also have found myself being gluttonous in some areas. Daily, I have to ask the Lord to have control, because I do not want to get lost in my own walks and self-disciplines that are for my own inner peace and not his glory. I desire to know the Lord in a more intimate way, but I do not want to become warped in spiritual gluttony seeking self-consolation. I am so thankful that God is divine in his wisdom and knows how to discipline his children and helps us grow, even if that means a night of darkness.

1 Corinthians 11:32, “But when we are judged, we are disciplined by the Lord so that we will not be condemned along with the world.”

Spiritual Discipline

Reading Stuart's post in response to Dallas Willard, was entirely convicting. Stuart gives an incredible account of what verse 42 means of giving up 'self'. Today, I was faced with what it means to give up myself and doing things for other people. I never really find myself not doing the things I am asked to do, but the manner in which I do them are not always glorifying to the Lord. As I read through Stuart's post, I must agree that it is entirely difficult to give up self. I continuously start statements with "I" and everything is about how "I" feel or think. But within that selfishness, today I realized that I was lacking the evidence of some spiritual fruits. Kindness was far from my thoughts; and that saddens me to know that I am so concerned with my time and feeling that for just a few hours I can not just be prepared to intentionally be focused on someone else. As I recognized these things today, it was humbling to have to be corrected by the word of the Lord; 
Philippians 2:14-16, "Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourself to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain or toil in vain." 

I am Weak and He Strong

Romans 10:9 “If you confess with your mouths that Jesus Christ is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

There is Power in confession; Paul directs us in the message of saving Grace in Romans 10, and we know that if we confess with our mouths and believe with our heart that Jesus Christ is Lord we will be saved. The power in that confession is the path to eternal life.

According to Ignatius of Loyola, the enemy is known as a false lover and his greatest weakness lies in our confession: when we bring the things of weakness into the light. The enemy wants to pretend that he comforts and loves us, but this deceptive premise is one of his many devices used to develop in us a false sense of security so that he may know our weakness.

The enemy studies our character to know the very areas we are most vulnerable, so that he can strategically come in and devour according to our weakest point; but by the grace of God there is power in confession and knowing our own weakness we have the advantage over the enemy, because in our weakness the Lord is strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9: “Each time he said, ‘My Grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad I boast in my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” The boldness Paul walks in, acknowledging that he has to know his own weakness so that the Lord may have that area and let His divine strength work. It takes humility to recognize that you are weak and cannot successfully do this life alone. For only by the power of God’s grace will you be established and strengthened.

 I often find it difficult to confess my sins because I want the Lord to see me as strong and faithful; but every time I find myself boasting in my own strength the enemy has reign to destroy me. 1 Peter 5:6-11, has been my hearts cry for weeks now, because I have to humble myself under the right hand of God, so that He can have the power to exalt me in His strength not my own. In verse 7, if we just cast our fears and anxiety on the Lord because He cares for us, He has given us direction to give Him our weakness, so that He can be strong.

As I learn to confess to the Lord that I am weak and I need him to be strong for me, I know the enemy trembles in fear, because he then knows that he will not succeed, because in confession there is freedom and salvation, there is no room for bondage or destruction.

What is Desire?

What do I desire Most from God? And what is Desire?

Since I was little girl, I have sought to understand what it is that I desire, and God has been faithful to give me vision and answer to more appropriately understand. Though time and time again, I find myself desiring self-gratifying things, which are not often in line with the will He has for my life.

As I have spent more time getting to know the God of the Universe, I find my deepest desire is to know Him more. I truly want to be intimately acquainted with His character and His will above all else. As I become more acquainted with His character, my desires have changed in various ways. As I have processed through the character of the God of the Universe, I realize the simplicity of His nature is answered in Love. One thing I desire passionately is to appropriately teach God’s character; as I know Him more and more, I desire to try and effectively help others to become more acquainted with who Him. There are many things I aspire to do and hope to be for God, as I grow, the burden to persevere and help others know Him expands in masses. There is one other desire that continues to grow as I become to know God more and more and that is the desire to be a wife and a mother. The desire is not natural to my character, but knowing God more and more I feel the call and burden to be a part of the Joy of being a wife and mom.

I believe that I will grow to know God more each day that I pursue Him and I foresee a desire evolving as that takes place, and there is such joy in knowing that He is Love.