Solitude

What is solitude? When does the noise stop? If it is not someone or something else causing something of chaos; our own inner thoughts can be the loudest, most difficult distraction we ever encounter. Beyond the fear of being alone with myself, I do not know how to just sit… I find myself fidgety or talking to God, even if it is not self-centered, it still feels as if I am missing something because I am not just listening. The same thing happens when I am reading the Bible; I will find myself reading but then convicted, because I am not just sitting in solitude listening and waiting for the Holy Spirit to give direction.

This morning as I was sitting in the quiet empty sanctuary at Friendship Baptist Church, and I began to pray for the coming service and the people who would be attending; it was a beautiful experience to go before the Father God, declaring his word over his people. After a few minutes of praying specifically for that congregation and service, I tried to just be quiet to listen; but I found myself beginning to pray again or rummaging through scripture, just reading random verses. I never could just be still….

For at least five minutes, I began to sulk, because I am not good at solitude; I began to take on a failure mentality. But praise God he is sovereign and he loves us enough to meet us in the very place where we are weak. I may not have been successful at my expectation of solitude today, but the Lord did not withhold himself from me. As I read scripture God was faithful to show himself and give me the exact words to pray over the service and the people’s hearts.

Henri J. M. Nouwen, says solitude is one of the most powerful disciplines in developing a prayerful life; and I agree with him entirely. I also agree with him as he shows how difficult solitude may be, because of the chaos of the many things surrounding us, as well as our own inner thoughts.  Being consumed as egomaniacs, there is a separation from understanding we are not the most important topic of conversation; however, when solitude is experienced a deeper place of encountering God is ultimate for spiritual growth.

Instead of taking on the failure mentality, I will choose to know that it is a daily process of growth, and trust in God’s character, he is loving and kind and compassionate on his children. Psalm 103:8 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness.”