Journey to Happiness

Do you ever sit back and take time to appreciate, You?

Yea, me either. However, I think I realized that sitting back and appreciating yourself is truly key to being able to be ‘happy’ in your moment (sure I will have to realize more often than not – much easier to bitch and complain). The last two months have been challenging, overwhelming, 6 plus flights from Jamaica to Maine and over 3,500 miles of driving; but as I sit and reflect over where I am – it’s been the most rewarding two months of my life in many ways. I have made mistakes, had anxiety attacks, yelled, been hella aggressive, but I have also been able to celebrate success in honesty, success of not having an anxiety attack as a passenger in a car, spoken softly, genuinely tried to listen, and seen my moments where aggression isn’t the answer – it’s sometimes just best to bow out gracefully, well sometimes I am the least graceful human alive – but one can try. Those successes are however not entirely of my own doing, there’s no way on Earth or in this Universe that I would have achieved these moments without my community.

Community is a strange thing, home is a strange thing. Until I moved to Denver almost 3 years ago (seriously two weeks from 3 years??), I never envisioned myself being successful in anyway outside of a far-fetched dream. I definitely never imagined having the community of humans in my life that I do have today – some have existed for decades, but regardless of the time present in my life or how often we are able to see one another - the humans in my life literally make me. It’s hard to explain to some how much they mean to me, especially when I am not physically present as often as I would like – but truly the people in the community I get to exist in, absolutely make the world look a WHOLE lot better! Seriously, every single one of them.

It’s been a trying season not getting to be settled in my own ‘home’, a life on the go seems fun at first; but reality, it is HARD. I mean, it is fun – I love getting to visit with my community all over the country, making all the memoires to add to the books. No joke though, having to separate yourself from familiarity is often the exact medicine you need to evaluate what you have. Sitting in this random ass town outside of Boston, Mass. – I am able to see a bigger picture of this random crazy life I get to live. Sitting here, I am able to look back on these last few months and plan for the upcoming even crazier travel months, but reflect on the journey. The journey that’s definitely been full of real human shit: good, bad, ugly, pretty, prettier, ugliest and all of it…. Which makes you realize, ‘you da been through some shit, dude!’, but it’s in the same breath that you ask yourself, ‘how in the fuck did I get so lucky?’… like seriously!

Having to take a moment & sit back to ask myself: what does success really look like for me? What does it take for you to realize how lucky you are to be alive? Do we ever really reach happiness? Is it all just the pursuit of happiness? Really, what are you trying to do, Pam?

I am not stating a fact for anything other than my own reality and I would have to say; success looks like you! I am hella lucky to be alive. Who the fuck knows what Happiness really is? I think the goal is really just to pursue it – pursue the FUCK out of shit that makes you, makes you tick, and makes your heart sing kind of stuff. Success looks like the damn journey of ALL of it! Self-talk for real - the moves you making dude, isn’t it literally every damn thing you ever dreamed of and more? It truly is – everything and more.

Really taking time to process through the journey I have been on since November is crazy. Doing it all sometimes isn’t possible, it hurts… it’s hella easy to start beating myself up for the shortcomings, but it’s so rewarding to step back and appreciate yourself before you beat yourself into a place that’s really hard to get out of…. I don’t want to go into a hole or be known for complaining and existing in excuses. I want to rejoice in the pursuit of happiness. Trying my damndest to make it through, love on all the human I have, and all the opportunities.

Now, let’s be real – sometimes I suck epically and you have to deal with that junk. You have to have the people in your corner that aren’t afraid to tell you that you are being fucking cray or screwing some shit up. Those people, are usually the real ass soul mates! Sometimes I suck at not being thankful for where I am or how I got here, sometimes I wish for something different without really evaluating what I have – don’t recommend that space for too long.

Fact of it all is, I am realizing that though I have preached it for as long as I can remember – Life is a journey. Finding happiness shouldn’t be the ultimate goal, but pursuing it – sure the hell doesn’t hurt and helps enhance you! Success isn’t comparing yourself to the CEO, comparing yourself to the married girl sitting next to you with pictures of the cutest babies, the house your best friend was able to buy and you still can’t – it’s actually being authentically you and in pursuit of what makes you and what you will make next step to only elevate you into the next steps of your journey. Community is key for it all though, no joke – hug your humans, text them, call them – introvert or extrovert, don’t forget that we were not meant to exist as an individual – but truly an authentic you that plays your part right where you are.

This isn’t the message maybe for everyone, it’s not absolute truth for the entirety of man – but it’s me. It’s the place I exist in, it’s the success I am choosing to rejoice in & it’s ultimately the truth that I will be rehearsing.

“Happiness is a deep sense of flourishing, not a mere pleasurable feeling or fleeting emotion but an optimal state of being.” – Matthieu Ricard